November 30th, 2006
1. Raise my standards
2. Change my limiting beliefs.
3. Change my strategy
One must become a master in five following areas ...
1. Emotional Mastery
2. Physical Mastery
3. Relationship Mastery
4. Financial Mastery
5. Time Mastery
February 13th, 2007
The brain said: “I should be in charge, because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”
“I should be in charge,” said the heart, “because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you’d all waste away.”
“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.”
“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.”
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… just an asshole.
February 14th, 2007
PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!
Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink………………
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.
PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!
THEN, there is the MALE addendum — The deal with guys is, as always,
very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid .
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He must be gay
February 27th, 2007
The UK Govt are about to propose restrictions on photography in public places which could make street photography and documentary photography against the law. There’s a petition on the Downing St website against the Government’s proposals to restrict the use of photography in public areas. Sign up to the petition now…… http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/Photography/
March 9th, 2007
The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”
“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”
Turning on his side, he smiles. “Then we will have to re-imprison him.”
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.”
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, “Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!“
May 31st, 2007
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - “And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when
Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - “This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - “Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.”
5. US PGA Commentator - “One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ….. Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!”
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ said: “You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?” Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too.
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday.”
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:”There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”
11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.”
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”
May 31st, 2007
The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on a
newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45 % when the belt is properly installed.
June 1st, 2007
A guy goes into the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”
To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
“My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly ……..
“No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
July 11th, 2008
Three keys to creating unstoppable momentum in your life:
- Clarity
- Congruency
- Consistency
Clarity means discovering what you are designed to do and identifying your greatest motivations and talents. Clarity allows you to have realistic expectations
of what you can and can not do.
It’s one thing to know what you are designed to do. It’s another to do it. When it comes to congruency, most of us are rather badly out of alignment.
You may need to make some adjustments. Most will be incremental, but some may be radical, such as changing professions. The goal is to spend more time
using your strengths. That’s where performance and satisfaction both peak.
Consistency means staying with it. Have you ever been caught in traffic in a large city? You accelerate as the light turns green, only to stop at the red
light on the next corner. This pattern of starting and stopping repeats itself over and over as you make your way to your destination. It’s impossible to
gain any momentum.
The secret to gaining momentum in your life is to do what you are designed to do over a long period of time.
Source - MAPP
